We all have a past. It takes some time to move on from that past-to realize, you’ve made mistakes and now there is nothing that can be done to take them back. That doesn’t mean that this past doesn’t leave you feeling discourage-leaving you with the thoughts that maybe if you just did this or did that differently,- meddling in different memories wondering why or where you went “wrong”. Somethings in my past have left me feeling empty. Worthless. Ugly. Unwanted. Unlovable. I feel as though this is more difficult for women to conquer. We are perceived by society completely different than men. There are things in society that when a man does them, seems to be easier to overlook. Have you heard people say “what do you expect, he’s a man”? I have. It can leave you thinking you as a woman are supposed to operate under a certain order. For me, it has compressed my shine. Almost stoic and afraid to move. It’s left me to participate in the dark-and go at it alone.
There was a time in my life that I felt because of my past, a walk with Jesus just wasn’t something I could have nor was I interested in. The thought of walking with someone so loving-was far down the line. If you were like me, you are “waiting” to pick up all the scattered pieces of yourself before pursuing that route…You’ll pick them up and then come to Jesus. You’ll stop sleeping around. Then come to him. You will finish your last batch of your final drug purchase, then come to him. You’ll party hard one more weekend, not knowing where you’ll end up-then that’s when you’ll come to him.
I’ve been there. I have felt like as a woman I had to be a certain way to come to Jesus. Also it all sounded so boring…ohhhh, come to “Jesus”, like how riveting does that sound? Yeah, I’ve been there. And until you let yourself become enlightened on the truth you will always buy into these lies that Jesus is boring and that your heart and life must be in pristine condition in order to have him in your life.
As Jesus started his ministry, you know he went around and anointed 12 men to be his disciples. Along with these 12 men he also had a crowd of women as well. In Luke in makes it really clear that these were women who didn’t have it all together-that they have been viewed (because of their behaviors) as less than the other women in the villages. These women were cured of evil spirits and diseases (Luke 8). Of course among them was Mary Magdalene- a woman who had seven demons upon her, which Jesus cast them all out. Well, demons operate under Satan. So she was known for all these evils deeds-yet still held a place in Jesus’ fellowship.
Mary didn’t come to Jesus pristine. She came to him corrupted. In fact, Mary didn’t get healed and overcome anything until she had an encounter with Jesus. And just like Mary, I didn’t overcome anything and mend anything within myself until I started having encounters with Jesus. And just like me and Mary, you will overcome once you decide to stop keeping score with your “good” and “bad” side, and have an encounter with Jesus.
There were many other women there. And they all had their assortment of issues, but at the center of their lives was Jesus. When he moved, they followed. When he spoke, they listened. And what he had to say became their truth-they stopped listening to the lies.
The lie that God has called you to be perfect. The lie that no sinners follow Jesus Christ. The lie that Jesus is boring. That is so far from the truth. What is boring I can tell you is seeing no change in yourself, making the same mistakes over and over, engaging with the same lifeless routine, where nothing ever seems enough or invigorating. That is boring. When you live like that God is limited because you have mentally engaged with these lies and settled on-that’s okay, this is life. A life with God is living on the edge-making bold proclamations and moves fostered by the wisdom he provides, believing his grace will provide for your lack. Everyday I seek to pursue Jesus its been awakening. Even on the days I feel like crap, but I make an effort to converse with him, the trashing somehow someway turns to treasuring. I’m not saying the events in your life will automatically change-but what I am saying is your perspective will.
Truth is, God is madly in love with you. He loves the sinners. He loves those that he can take and show a new life and give his best to. Those are the fun and mind blowing encounters. The romance he offers is far better and promising than anything we could find in a person or things here. It starts with trusting him. It starts with throwing a life saver to your thought and not allowing yourself to drown in the lies. It follows with learning to lean on that life saver-clinging to it and trusting it when a wave of uncertainty flows through. Jesus’ teachings-his love and his message-those are our life savers. They can be used and never exhausted. They are there for us to deploy them whenever we need to and the best part is they always survive the wave of lies. Don’t let yourself drown in the lies of this world-wade in the truths of Jesus.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest” -Matthew 11:28