This topic is touchy. I think.
I have a best friend.
Well we have a friend and she is gay. She told me that our friend got married to another female, and even though she loves our friend and has known her for years, she turned down the invite to attend the wedding.
Not going to lie, I kind of looked at her sideways. You know, like why wouldn’t you go support a friend who is going to make such a leap in her life? Such a commitment that so many of us aspire to make-a commitment so many of us fail at or even fear to attempt.
I asked my best friend why she didn’t go. And she told me she didn’t support same sex marriage and if she went to the celebration of their union, this would also mean she supported the decision they’ve made to marry. Of course I was able to follow this train of thought. We both are Christians and vigilant in our faith and study the new testament.
Even though I understood homosexuality was not a new concept-it’s discussed in the bible and it is clearly addressed- (Romans 1:6 says “that is why God abandoned them to their shameful desires. Even the women turned against the natural way to have sex and instead indulges in sex with each other” ). I was extremely conflicted about my friend’s decision to not show “love” and attend the celebration. So I had to ask her-don’t you feel like you’re judging her?
And since you are judging her don’t you feel convicted because God also clearly speaks about judging others in the bible? Luke 6:37 warns about judging others, Luke 6:41 discusses being concerned with your friend’s sin when you have blemish of your own. And not only that-I felt conflicted about this in other instances. The many times I’ve attended church, I’ve felt “judged”. I remember my pastor made it a point constantly to point out I got my nose pierced (that I still have pieced 12 years later, and I still see nothing wrong with it). However, the people in my church including my best friend were supposed to be loving people no matter what just as Jesus was, yet it seemed like instead they were being judgmental.
My best friend listened to my rant and then she responded “I’m living by truth, I’m not judging”. And truth shut me up big time.
Christianity is based on the teachings and love of Jesus Christ. If you are a Christian that means you find truth in the Word of God. What my friend opened my eyes to was the fact that she wasn’t judging our other friend, just living by the truth and being obedient in her faith. She went on to remind me that the most loving thing you can do for someone you care about is share truth and also live by it yourself.
Which naturally raised another question for me- if truth is the word of God then how do I differentiate that from judging others? I feel like the line is fine here.
I put this topic on the table to discuss and I use the story about our friend getting married to illustrate truth v. judgment because after my best friend and I talked about it, I think she made the absolute right decision not to attend this wedding.
One of the definitions of judging is “to form an opinion or conclusion about”. Back to the example with our friend, my best friend didn’t look at our friend and her soon-to-be wife differently; she didn’t form any sort of conclusion on our friend…she didn’t tell her how wrong she was for her decision-no. She simply didn’t go to the wedding because it didn’t align with truth. She still loved our friend. She still talked to her and saw her as a good person-she didn’t judge our friend’s entire being and avoid her because she was gay. I would say that is being judgmental.
So on behalf on all the Christians out there, I’m sorry if we ever came off as “judgmental”. Many of us mean well, and we are just trying to manage our lives by living in truth. This is not to be confused with passing judgment.
The moment I love you less or think of you less because of the way you live or the lifestyle you engage in, is the moment I judge you. Then I too will be judged.
“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you.” -Luke 6:37